When a family difficulty arises, it's usually because us adults get nervous about explaining things to our kids. It's our own fear that we won’t be able to explain something very well, or that we think they need to be 'protected' from certain 'painful' life events or concepts.
As an educator and song-writer, I’ve designed almost all my 'kid' songs to provide information for adults, and many of my 'adult' songs work great to generate discussions with kids and teens.
I’ve never had a problem playing any of my songs for my own kids, regardless of their age, even songs about loaded issues like human sexuality, or death. Frankly, I welcome the opportunity to talk with my children about anything under the sun, because if it looks like the kids aren’t “getting it”, I can stop in the middle of any song and ask my child if they understand what I just sang about. If they have any questions, then it’s up to me to figure out a way to make that “adult idea” clear for them. I try to come up with an image or a story that will help them understand the adult idea in a way that relates to their kid-sized life. Sometimes I’m not exactly sure how to do that. In those cases, it’s okay for me to say,
“I need some time to think about this, so I can explain it to you better”. Then I take the time to think about it. I come up with a simple version that fits their own age-appropriate life experience, and I keep my word to them, and make sure I get back with them to explain.
Take death for example. Most adults, even if they hold a strong belief about what happens to us when we die, will admit that it's difficult to be 100 per cent certain about what 'really' happens, because it's never happened to us! So even the strongest beliefs are only conjecture. Those of us with strong religious or philosophical beliefs about death would be hard pressed to provide scientific proof that our purview is the 'exactly correct' version of what happens to us when we die. And that’s part of the marvelous mystery of our sometimes painful and sometimes delightful human experience of life.
When our basset hound George died, my daughters discovered his stiff old body lying in our backyard under his favorite bush. I wanted to take a moment with them to remember our good times with him when he was alive. I didn't want to just avoid this opportunity to share some of the deep sadness we have as humans when a loved one dies. We had a little ceremony, with some flowers. I sang a dog song for him. I talked a little about his love for us and mentioned his painful unrequited love affair with a huge female Great Dane who lived up the street. I asked the girls if they had anything they wanted to say. Our eldest, Megan cried a bit, and shared some of her sad feelings with us as we sat on the ground next to George’s body. We listened to her, and were silent for a bit. Then I asked Willow, our youngest, if she had anything she wanted to say. She thought for a moment, took a big breath and said quietly,
“Yes Dad. I have a question.”
“Okay Sweetie,” I encouraged, “What's your question?”
“Can we go now?”
She was right. Saying ‘good-bye’ to George was a bigger deal for me than it was for her.
I bring this up because I want to play my song “All Our Kids” for you. It's about the immigrant children and families held in detention centers on our southern US border.
As a parent, you might ask, “Peter, is this really song for kids, or just for adults?”
And I would answer, “It depends on you!” Can you put yourself in the shoes of kids who are locked in cages away from their parents? How would you explain this to your own children? What if it was you and your kids that this happened to? We know that this was not a just a tv show, it’s really happened, ... done in our names, by grown-up Americans who could be our neighbors. Probably people “just following orders”, maybe not feeling so great about what they're doing and why.
And more importantly, how do we feel about this ourselves? Is it okay with us, if our children see that that our feelings are touched? Are we embarrassed to let them see us when we're sad, or crying or maybe really angry? Our culture frowns on strong displays of emotion. Not cool. Not okay. But if our kids don’t ever see us express strong emotions, how are they going to learn how to manage and build their own emotional vocabulary?
So as a parent, I listen first, then I decide if it’s something I ‘m willing to engage in myself, before I engage my kids with me. If this is something they might hear about from someone else, instead of me, ... am I missing an opportunity to help them understand a confusing part of our world a little better? If it’s on the news, or I know they’ll be talking about this at school or with their friends, wouldn’t it be great to be part of the discussion with them? Even if we don't have simple black or white answers?
So, … it’s up to us. If I feel uncomfortable because I don’t know exactly what to do about making something better, that discomfort is okay with me. I will practice letting it bubble up uncomfortably within me, because that discomfort gives me motivation to search for solutions. I become more alert and more aware of actions I could take to change what’s “not okay”. Even if that action doesn't completely solve the entire problem, I know that taking some action, always moves me closer to finding a solution.
And when we express how we feel through ‘the arts’, it opens doors for us to see options that we didn't know existed. Of course my favorite artistic expression is SINGING, so I wrote this song. Come on and sing-along with us if you like, and let’s see what solutions pop up for you!
ALL OUR KIDS
1. I wake up in the morning, and listen to the news G-C-G
Stuff that’s going on, it shakes me to my shoes G-D-D7
We’re putting kids in prisons. It’s happening today! G-C-G
But we’re gonna make it stop, ‘cause it’s not okay! G-D-D7-G
Ch1. They’re all our kids, every single one C-G
Even if we’re not their Moms or Dads D-D7-G
They’re all our kids, every daughter, every son C-G
And it breaks our hearts they’re in a place so sad. D-D7-G
C-Em7/Bm-Am6-G/Am6-D-G
2. Kids needs a safe place, where we’re not afraid
Kids need friends, … we need to laugh and play
And kids need love, … we need our families around
We need lifting up, when we’re feeling down.
C-Em7/D-C-Bm/C-Am6/G-D-Bm-G
C-Em7/D-C-Bm/C-D/Em7-D-G
Ch2. We’re all your kids, every single one
And locking us in cages, is so wrong!
We’re all your kids, every daughter, every son
We will make things change, when we sing our songs!
3. I’ve written to officials, made some Facebook rants
Called my friends and family, my uncles and my aunts
Signed petitions to help kids, gone to sit-ins, made some calls
The last thing now, … is to tear down the walls!
Ch3. They’re all our kids, every single one
And locking them in cages, is so wrong
They’re all our kids, every daughter, every son
We will make things change, when we sing our songs!
Ch4. They’re all our kids, every single one
Even if you’re not our Moms or Dads!
They’re all our kids, every daughter, every son
And it breaks our hearts they’re in a place so sad.
Ch5. Todos de los ninos, estan de nos
Por todos de los ninos, no mas prision
Todos de los ninos, estan de nos
Cosas cambiaren cuando cantaremos!
We will make things change, when we sing, … our, … songs!
C-Em7-C/Bm-D/Am6-D/Em7-D-G
Written by Peter Alsop, ©2020, Moose School Music (BMI)
on Camping With Dads album ~ www.peteralsop.com
Greg Hilfman played marimba and piano on this, and my grandkids Quinnlyn and Leon sang with us, along with my wife Ellen and a bunch of our neighbors who are concerned about the welfare of immigrant families. A special thanks to my son-in-law Chad Scheppner and his kids from the cast of “The Greatest Showman”.
If you liked this Substack, please subscribe and invite your friends. Many of my songs and videos are also available on my website at peteralsop.com.
Share this post