Pick One

Faced with only two options again?

We’ve got a big election coming up.  Once again, we’re faced with only two options. I’ve been informed that our ‘male-brains’ love to see the world in exactly that kind of a ‘binary’ way. Evidently us ‘guys’ like to make things simple. You know, … ‘up-down’, ‘in-out’, ‘right-wrong’, ‘my-way or the hi-way’. However, it’s been clear to me for a while that our world is so complicated, that simply choosing one of two options can often lead us down a path that takes us to places that we don’t want to go! I’ve learned the hard way that finding a workable solution to a complicated situation requires a more nuanced understanding of what’s going on around us than just picking ‘A’ or ‘B’. It requires a willingness to be flexible, so we can alter our course when necessary. It requires that we pay attention to how it’s going, because we will get stuck. And when that happens, what allows us to move ahead, is our ability to widen our view and see the diverse field of possibilities in front of us from which to choose. That helps us eventually find some resolutions. The big question is, … once we ‘widen our view’, … how do we pick just one path?

My very grown-up daughter Megan has always impressed me with her clear thinking and balanced ways of seeing the world. I learn from her. We were taking a walk with her dog through the hills in Topanga where we live and she said,

“Dad, do you remember about two weeks ago, when my friend Carla was over at our house, and you brought up the trouble she was having with her relationship with Gordon?”

I said “Yeah, … I think I remember that.  Why?”

She said “Do you remember that when I told you about that, I said it was private, and asked you not to say anything about it?”

“Oooh nooo!  I mean yes,  I remember, … now. I’m sooo sorry Honey.  I totally blew that didn’t I?”

“Yeah, …” she said, “I want to be able to confide in you about stuff like that, but I can’t, if you don’t remember that certain stuff is private.”

“I’m really sorry Megs! Of course, I want you to confide in me. I’ll do my best not to do that again.”

We walked silently for a bit, … then I asked her,

“You know in my family, when I was growing up, if some thought came into our mind, it would immediately come out of our mouth!  Particularly if it was emotionally loaded!  You must have been really embarrassed and hurt and pissed at me when I did that, and I obviously have no idea where you learned that skill! You waited almost two weeks to say something to me about this. You waited until now, … when we we’re not in the immediate situation where it happened. And you brought it up in such a gentle way, … so that I could hear what you had say, without becoming defensive and embarrassed too! You’re amazing! I don’t think you learned that from me, … ‘cause I’ve still got work to do in THAT department!”

She smiled and said “It’s okay Dad. Just don’t let it happen again!”

“Have you got anytime on Thursday when we could talk? What are your rates? Do I have to lie down on your couch? Do you take Blue Cross? Am I covered?”

We laughed. I tell you this story, because a while later I found myself struggling with all the myriad upsetting issues that are going on in our country. I just felt helpless about how to use my time more effectively. I desperately want to leave the world a better place for our kids and grandkids, with lots of clean air and water, and more caring policies about housing, minimum wages, health care, corruption, war, honesty, and on and on and on.

“Megs?” I said, “How do you cope with all this stuff? You’re so, … balanced! I get on overwhelm, and I struggle to figure out what to work on first, when EVERYTHING seems so important. I know your favorite ‘cause’ is animal rights, but I also know you’re aware of all the other stuff going on too. Got any suggestions for your old Dad about how to ‘not go crazy’ with all this stuff that needs attention?”

“Yeah Dad,” she said. “Do you remember that movie “City Slickers” with Billy Crystal and Jack Palance, … he played Curly?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s was what Curly said – the secret of life, … ‘just pick one thing!  Pick one!”

“Hmmm. That sounds like a song.” I said.

PICK ONE

It’s raining out today and I’m stuck inside                            Em

Got the TV channel changer, but I can’t decide                   B7

All the great programs on TV                                                   C

Flipping through the channels, then Mom says to me!        D-D7

Cho: Pick one!  Pick one!  You're makin’ me crazy!              Em-C-G

Pick one!  Pick one!  You’re eyes are gettin’ hazy!                 G-D-D7

Pick one channel, try it for a while                                           Em-C

You can always pick another, if it’s not your style                 G-B7

But Just!  Pick!  One!                                                                   Em-B7-C, D

I couldn’t stand the blabbing, so I went for a walk                Em

Down to the library, no one there can talk                              B7

Books by the thousands, which one to read?                          C

Then the Librarian whispered to me, she said,                      D-D7

Cho:  Pick one!  Pick one!  You make yourself crazy!            Em-C-G

Pick one!  Pick one!   You’re eyes are gettin' hazy!                 G-D-D7

Pick one book, try it for a while                                                 Em-C

You can always pick another, if it’s not your style                   G-B7

But Just!  Pick!  One!                                                                      Em-B7-C, D

I looked down at my shoes. I couldn’t seem to choose!            Em7(453)/(565)(575)

So I went home turned the radio on                                             Em

There was talk about war and the nuclear bomb                        B7

Off-shore drilling, sex abuse and killing                                       C

Polluting the environment and ineffective government            D-D7

Oil barons, cancer and lots of drugs                                              Em

Health care, welfare and Wall Street thugs,                                 B7

Financial collapse, crowded schools and population                  C

Terrorism, vigilantes, immigration                                                 D-D7

I wanna save the world before it’s blown away                              Em-B7

I was overwhelmed, then I heard myself say, ...                             C/D-D7

Cho: Pick one!  Pick one!  You make yourself crazy!                    Em-C-G

Pick one!  Pick one!   You’re eyes are gettin’ hazy!                        G-D-D7

Pick one cause, try it for a while                                                       Em-C

You can always pick another, if it’s not your style                         G-B7

But Just!  Pick!  One!                                                                            Em-B7-C, D

Cho: Pick one!  Pick one!  Maybe not the best!                               Em-C-G

Pick one!  Pick one or you’re gonna get depressed                         G-D-D7

Sittin’ in your stall doin’ nothin’ at all                                               Em-C

So Pick one!  Pick one!  This is not a test!                                         G-B7

Cho: Pick one!  Pick one!  Make it work for you                              Em-C-G

Pick one!  Pick one!  There’s so much that we can do                     G-D-D7

Try to think small ‘cause y’can't do it all!                                           Em-C

To get a lot done, y’gotta start with one                                              G-B7

So Just Pick One!   Pick one!                                         Em-B7-C, D/ Em-Em!

Written by Peter Alsop, ©2010, Moose School Music (BMI)

On Disciples of PerFection  -  www.peteralsop.com

I’ve found that it’s helpful to pick one thing when I’m feeling stuck about how to proceed. When I pick one thing, and then take action and do it, … I find that enables me to stay interested and aware about the rest of the ‘big picture’ going on in the world around us. Not doing anything is a recipe for falling into a depression. It’s scary when we can’t see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. And our fear saps all our energy and makes it hard for us to do anything, because it seems like nothing we do will fix anything! Then I remember that we don’t really ‘have to fix’ everything!  We just have to get ourselves going again!

Our society trains us to look for simple answers. If we’re sick, we take a pill. If we watch a complicated story on television, no worries, it all gets resolved in twenty-seven minutes. If we take a test, it’s a given that every question has a right answer! But real life is not that simple.

I know lots of very smart people who are very unhappy, even though they have resources and tons of information. They’re frustrated because they can’t resolve everything into a neat package. But if we’re smart, AND wise, then we can hold two or even three conflicting ideas in our head at the same time! They may not get resolved immediately, but if we’re wise, we understand that we don’t have to force a resolution just because we’re uncomfortable. We don’t have to ignore any of them or avoid them either, … if we can just hold onto those ideas and wait, … something will ‘percolate’ that will help with the resolution.

I have a cousin names Suzi who turned 35 recently.  I said,

“Hey Suzi, … how’s it feel to be 35?”

“Okay,” she said. “I guess, …”

“You guess?” I asked her.

“Well, I always wanted to be a veterinarian.”

“So your kids are in school now,” I said. “Why don’t you take some classes! You could still be a veterinarian.”

“Naaw,” she said.  “It would take me fifteen years to become a veterinarian at that rate! Jeez! I’d be fifty years old by then.” I just looked at her and said,

“Well, … in fifteen years you’re gonna be fifty years old anyway! Wouldn’t it be nice if you were a veterinarian!?”

We stop ourselves when we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  So rather than stopping ourselves, or ‘giving up’, let’s look at our choices, and as the song says, “Pick One!” and try it for a while. We can still pay attention to the other ‘causes’ that need our attention without making ourselves crazy, … and maybe pick another path if the first thing we picked doesn’t work so well.

Thanks and good luck! Please subscribe to my Substack posts and share with your friends and family. Bye for now!